meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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