If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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