you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
