just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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