Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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