The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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