I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize