this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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