just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
