he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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