How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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