I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
