somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
