Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize