Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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