Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
