long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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