I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize