My friends, they love my intelligence
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
