some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize