YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
