hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
