my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
