there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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