Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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