just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
These tits shall not be calmed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
