East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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