You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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