Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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