I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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