I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
