yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
