Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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