Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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