apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
