I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
