He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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