planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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