Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize