She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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