I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
