Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
