Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
