I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are we still banned from the library?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
