I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
