Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my vagina is haunted
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize