And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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