That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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