I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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