I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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