it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
