hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize