That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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