You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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