Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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