The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
