girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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