Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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