You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
