guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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