you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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