dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
