For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Oh god it's open bar.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
