I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
