you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
