I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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