I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
