if i can run in heels then i can drive
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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