Tell her she can't have a vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
